In the dream a wizened Sidney Poitier comes on stage steps ahead of the host. The set is creamy white, the furniture two conversation sets of two leather chairs. He mistakenly attempts to head for the front set and is reminded to go to the back pair. It becomes obvious to TV viewers that he is now blind. His expression is transparent. He wanted to appear completely in charge, ‘sighted’ if you will. He begins to expound on his latest discovery, something to do with knowing. On the screen behind them is a mural sized photo of a ball of popcorn, very similar to the floral ball that is the background of my laptop I took it at the Bellagio garden when Lois was here. It represents the two hemispheres of the brain and we can see something of its symmetry but little of the vast reality behind the theory, if this is true, then… This is the message an older, more experienced, though ‘impaired’ Poitier is urgently trying to share. His urgency and initial uncertainty about the chair both seem to expose him, leaving him vulnerable to the animal instinct of doubt-becomes-fear from the studio and viewing audiences. I am desperately trying to follow his thinking as my phone alarm vibrates and the audience disrupts what slim ability and time he has left to explain this breakthrough.
As I surface, I marvel at the magnitude of ideas I am aware of in Alpha, the richness of the background piano music that accompanies the show, the perspective(s) I am able to maintain, now omniscient narrator, now host, now guest, now audience /member.
I awaken with a clarity about what I am asking / expecting (trying to expect) God to do in my life now. The need has always been the same – though it seems I cannot name it – to trust, to believe Him for the greater things of which he is undoubtedly capable, to trust God for and to be His Infinite Self – in my experience. How limited / limiting I would have to be to expect less, and yet, that is what it seems I have been able to achieve. Something Poitier was getting at, trying to say settles this once and for all even if it appears to come from a blind man. The limits have nothing to do with the possibilities. The notion of resistance that buoys the airplane is but a limited metaphor to get us aloft. There is, as Richard Bach, hinted at all those ‘heretical’ years ago, more.
Humanly speaking, if I dare to think I do that anymore, each of these elements arrive from different recent experiences. I know there is something significant in the way I translate his earlier, character-like, response to disremembering the layout of the studio set. Something significant about his wanting to appear one way yet be another that is the kernel or crumb my mind is holding onto. His disappointment would not be there if he accepted the reality of his own discovery. No. It’s more at: His discovery can only slightly be communicated in our current dimension much less demonstrated. Perceive then demonstrate becomes the flawed axiom of a believer because it suggests process and God is not developmental. He simply is Infinity-Infinite Himself to the power of Himself if that gets at what I am stuttering at. The implications are exponential if I can grasp or step into this not-even-understanding-state-beyond-knowing. Applied, this is the door to financial and every other breakthrough. Time for Corporate Prayer. 4:54 a.m.